so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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