Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just pee around me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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