Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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