I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
