apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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