Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
