where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
