she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
its liver damage thursday
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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