you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
