Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
