is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
