She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
