Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
