I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
