So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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