I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
