she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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