I cannot find my penis.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
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Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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