i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
