cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize