p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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