Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
