So drunk its hurt
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
