I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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