sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize