so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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