Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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