I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
