My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
