Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
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They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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