I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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