he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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