help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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