I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
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