I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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