Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize