I just pynch a tree in the face
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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