I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
