Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
