the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
