my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
