I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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