I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
