I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
