the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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