She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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