i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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