Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Two words: blizzard sex
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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