I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
