Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
