So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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