Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
