So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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