Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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