Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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