And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
