I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
