I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
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You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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