Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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